It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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