Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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