Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
