I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
