As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We're too hungover to prance.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
