i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
