worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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