i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
