I'm drive I can fine osifer
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
