i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
