well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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