Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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