I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
