my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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