ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
