You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
And then my night got REAL pukey
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
