that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
