How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I want to have your abortion
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
