I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
it was like his penis was on wheels.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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