so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
