mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
