It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
