im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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