the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
