and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
