mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
