Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
