I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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