ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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