dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Randomize
