I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
