I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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