i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
