apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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