mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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