i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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