Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
