Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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