And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
