Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
