I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
