This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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