Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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