I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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