So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
