i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
