Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
