yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
