call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
