his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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