Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
