just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
