Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
