I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The uberlube is also flammable
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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